Standing Outside

It's Time for a Goodbye

2009-04-15T10:09:00.007+03:00

Well folks! I will no longer be inhaling dirt particles and dust mites in an excessive amount daily. I recieved a job back home in Orygun and will start the next leg of my adult life. I'm looking forward to being home for the holidays again after missing them two years in a row. I will miss some of the people I have met here but I have missed my family far greater. Joey and I will also be getting ready to plan our future together although he'll be staying behind to save up more money. I'm very excited to start this journey. I will be working for an endodontist as an office assistant part time and go to school to become a dental assistant full time. After 6 months of school I should know everything I will need to in order to make patients feel comfortable during the long and painful process of a root canal. ICK!!!! Before I go home though I must share some photos of our SCW Recognition Party we had a few days ago :)

The Creek by the Mill

2009-01-21T09:13:00.002+03:00

It was a gray day in February. I had to have been in about 7th or 8th grade. My best friend Megan and I were upstairs playing with her toy horses or zoo animals or something to that nature. Her sister Kayla was getting ready for all her friends to come over for her birthday party. Megan and I had a great idea suddenly! Let's take Shasta for a walk to the creek and pretend we're explorers! So we took the snuggly yellow lab and told her mom we'd be back shortly. We walked down the street towards the giant gray building with the smoke stacks on top. Smurfit papermill. Ahhh the smell of crap and woodchips in the morning. So off we went turning left at the end of the street and walking down to the old house with the big property. I still don't know if anyone lived there or not but it was old just the same. We trotted through the side yard and around to the blackberry bushes that concealed a trail. After we fought the bushes we headed down the path to a small valley. It's a very quiet place. The path stops abruptly at the bottom and you have to continue walking through wheat-like grasses. The color down in that valley was dull because of the winter sky. The trees weren't as green, the grass wasn't as rich, and the water that ran through it was a dirty brown. We chased Shasta around and threw sticks for her for awhile and decided to throw one across the little creek. She jumped right in and swam over to get it. She wouldn't swim back though. We tried our hardest to get her over the creek but she wanted us to come across with her. Megan and I only had sweatshirts on for some reason. We were dressed as if it was a sunny spring day with a slight cool breeze. I don't know why we weren't already frozen. Megan and I jumped in the creek. It was higher than normal because of all the rain and we had no idea where the water came from or where it went. We jumped out the other side shaking and chattering. Shasta was extremely excited and Megan (being the adventurer she is) decided it would be fun to float down the creek a little. I was easily persuaded and we jumped in and attempted to float for a few seconds and decided it was waaaaaay to cold. Shasta had followed us in so there we were, three beings attempting to crawl out of a freezing creek in the beginning of February in Oregon. By then I couldn't feel my fingers and toes. Megan was cold too but decided she'd take over and try and get us back home. Unfortunately when we floated down creek we passed an obstacle on dry land that would prevent us from getting back to the path safely. We had to hoof it straight up a hill between trees and balckberry bushes. Shasta, of course, thought it was all good fun. Megan and I were struggling up the hill. I couldn't feel anything and started to cry. I couldn't look up because the top was so far away but I couldn't look down because it reminded me how stupid I was. We finally reached the top with scratches and bruises and headed past the house. We walked down the street with cars passing us and slowing down wondering why we were soaked in jeans and sweatshirts in February. We turned right onto our street and walked to her house where her mom was waiting for us. The first thing that came from her mouth was, Megan! What di you do? Deborah is going to freak if she finds out about this!! She turned on a lukewarm bath upstairs and downstairs so me and Meg could soak in our humility for awhile. It hurt so bad to sit in that tub. My body was barely warming up and I was scared I had frostbite. Luckily my body warmed and I got out refreshed and embarrassed. Megan came downstairs and we both got a good scolding from Cindy. Needless to say, we never did that again in the winter time. In the summers we'd often find little creeks and float after that incident. Then Megan got stung by a nettle underwater and we floated past a Nutria turd so we decided to stop our creek floats permanently.

I will never forget our adventures as children. We had so many thanks to Megan's creativity and wild animal mind.

Things We Take For Granted...

2008-12-06T11:07:00.005+03:00

Something happened today that made me cry. I was touched, moved, happy, sad; all at one moment. I was flooded and overcome with tears as Mukesh kept saying, "Thank you sir. Thank you, thank you."

As I have mentioned in posts before, we have SCW's who work underneath us. The usually have the grunt work but we always help them any way we can. We have had Mukesh working for us for a couple of months now and there are many characteristics we noticed about him when he came to our LSA. He Was very quiet, reserved, and didn't understand much English. Another guy named Surinder worked with us too but he had been here two years so he bossed Mukesh around a lot. He even would hit him at times when we weren't looking. While I was on R&R, Surinder finally got another job as a mechanic. He had been trying for a long time. So that left an open slot for a new guy to join us. We got Sukhdeep. He is a young man with a chipped front tooth. He knows more English than Mukesh but is also extremely quiet.

I don't if I have mentioned this before but these SCW's; whether they are from Nepal, India, Sri Lanka, or Bangladesh; are all influenced easily by they're peers and by us. It also depends on how old they are but when you know their age you have to knock off a few years to know their maturity level. Sometimes I feel like a mother to them even if they are older than me. I have to tell them to wash their hands, clean their cuts, and sometimes tell them to put a jacket on. I don't mind it but it's just hard to understand why they don't do things the way I was told to growing up. Anyway, one of the influences Mukesh had, taught him that it's okay to boss new SCW's around and hit them while the "Bosses" aren't looking. We noticed it right away and hopefully put a stop to it.

He has done a fairly good job despite his bad back. They don't receive the same care or treatment that we do. They don't have an option of a paid day off for a holiday or sick day. They only have one or two phones in their whole camp which means long lines and high prices for a single phone call to their families. It's heartbreaking when Mukesh asks me, "Ma'am, please call," and I can't do anything for him because I would lose my own job. We're not supposed to give them presents because it creates jealousy among the camp and causes problems. We often have to sit back and watch them stay miserable all day.

The other day I drove Mukesh to his camp to get his badge that he forgot and as I saw him walk through the gate and get frisked by his own companion and then walk to tall cement walls encasing apartment like buildings, I felt terrible. I felt spoiled. It almost looked like a prison. I have been there before but for some reason this time was different. These "apartments" have about 10 guys living in each room. They aren't allowed to have TV's, gaming systems, cell phones, computers, cameras...need I say more? I don't understand why they get this treatment. But they often deal with it because the money they make here is more than they'll ever make back home. So they stay here for years and some have no contact with family the whole time. I just don't understand why they get treated the way they do.

So back to the point of this post...Damien and I decided to give the guys certificates that we had stashed away. We wrote their names on them and signed them and got ready to present them. Mukesh was sitting in the back room and Sukhdeep was busy putting some keys away so Damien went to Mukesh first and said, "Thank you sir for all that you have done and all your hard work." He shook his hand and Mukesh grabbed the certificate like it was a joke. We're always messing with the guys so he thought it was another one of our schemes. He looked at it and the look on his face was the breaking point for me. I stood there holding the certificate for Sukhdeep and my eyes started to well up. I told them I'd be right back and went around the corner to start bawling. Damien thought I was laughing because I was shaking so hard. I finally calmed down and told him why I was so touched. I presented Sukhdeep his certificate and they both kept saying thank you.

When we gave them those I didn't realize how much of an impact it would be for them. They really work hard for those certificates. They are almost worth more than money because they use them when they go back home to look for jobs. They weren't official certificates because KBR didn't authorize them but they were still real and from the heart and hopefully they'll be able to use those at home. These were the first certificates they have recieved since they have been here so it meant a lot to them. It meant a lot to me to see them so happy for once.

Brayden Eugene Turnidge

2008-10-06T10:40:00.003+03:00

Congratulations Megan Whitehead and Garrett Turnidge

7lbs 8oz, 20 1/2 inches

Born October 3rd, 2008

I love them and baby Brayden although we have never met.

UPDATE

2008-10-03T08:59:00.002+03:00

MEGAN'S WATER JUST BROKE!!!!!

I went to the bathroom and was gone for maybe ten minutes and when I cam back there was a voicemail. It was Megan calling me on her sisters' phone saying in a very calm voice that her water just broke. Here's how it played out:

08:35 (22:35 PST) GO TO BATHROOM
08:43 MEGAN CALLS AND LEAVES VOICEMAIL
08:45 GET BACK FROM BATHROOM
08:47 FRANTICALLY TRYING TO DIAL 1000 NUMBERS ON MY PHONECARD TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MEGAN
08:48 LEAVE VOICEMAIL ON PHONE THAT HAS NOW BEEN TURNED OFF

The funny thing about this is that she didn't even sound like someone who is just about to have a baby. It reminded me of her saying like, "I just drove to the store." What the hell is that all about? She was like this when she first told me she was pregnant. I became hysterical and crying that time. This time I started hyperventilating and freaked out. I should be there! What am I doing here? I'm being selfish.

Hopefully she or her family keeps me updated throughout my day. My best friend is going to have little Brayden soon. I'm so happy and excited for her!

Another Sandstorm

2008-09-14T09:23:00.006+03:00

A wicked, but beautiful sandstorm showed it's face yesterday. It was a gorgeous day and then the clouds rolled in and I knew another thunderstorm was coming. I went outside to check on it and saw this huge mass of "clouds" coming and ran to get my camera and the guys. It was really cool. I hadn't seen one like this yet!

The calm after the storm

So Sad

2008-09-13T10:38:00.002+03:00

Just think about this...the first place Joey ever took me fishing is now 20 feet underwater (see above title picture). I'm worried about Joey's family and all the other families who live in the Houston-Galveston area. Most people over here are from Houston so most likely a lot will be going home soon to clean up the damages. Don't you think we should all pay more attentions to these storms? They are getting worse and worse and it may be too late to stop it all. Global warming is inevitable and it's just scary to think that this storm might not have showed it's face for maybe 100 more years, if at all, if we would have just paid more attention to the little hole above turning into a big hole. That's all I have on that right now. Oh yeah, I'm having second thoughts on moving to Houston if things are most likely going to get worse.

Four Indians, a Bosnian, and I

2008-09-08T09:37:00.006+03:00

There was a gorgeous dust sorm/sunset rolling in and I had to get shots of it and figured, "Hell, why don't I record it so you can all see what it's like?" I also got some cultural anecdotes from my SCW's and Bojan my coworker. The SCW's are Mukesh (PeeWee), Surinder (Surinder lol), other Surinder (Pappa G), and Charnjit (Junior). The names in paranthesis are what we actually use. PeeWee is our newer SCW and speaks almost no english and just smiles at me all the time. Bojan laughs whenever I ask PeeWee to do something because he just stands there and smiles. Oh well. Surinder doesn't speak english very well but he's learning. Most of the older Indian guys don't want to learn english because of their pride and they also don't like taking orders from females. Pappa G is hilarious! He can speak pretty good english and sometimes tries to play me for a fool pretending he doesn't understand but I always catch him and we laugh about it. He used to be in Indian Army so he likes to show it off. Junior was my guy at LSA 5 but he was with us for a day while Leroy took the day off. He's crazy lol.

Sorry about this video. I forgot that turing the camera to the side just makes the audience have to turn their heads. But I had to get a full shot of Pappa G doing his Indian Army march. Oh yeah that thing Junior was saying was, "Crazy Serena! Crazy Serena!" I just thought you all would enjoy what I go through in a day with my sometimes entertaining guys. Hope all is well in the states!!! Miss you!

Before I go here are some more pictures of the day:

This is What Happens During the Busy Season

2008-09-04T10:42:00.003+03:00

1SG Wilcox, me and Arlean enjoying the heat...not!

Towards the end of the summer each year units move out and new ones come in to replace them. I was a part of it last year but this year I had a bigger role in the transition. I helped my supervisor out by bringing my SCW's to an area where the unit left to help replace furniture. There were about 20 SCW's and then a few of us Billeting folks. There was lots of loading and unloading of truck trailers all in one full day of work. The majority of the time it was more than 120 degrees. I was pretty sweaty afterward. Anyway, here are some pics of the process.

Bojan (pronounced Boy-ahn) and I

Bossman, Junior, and Surinder waiting for the truck to stop

One of the truck drivers checking straps

Leroy snapped this while I was fixing my hair

Meeting on KBR Hill after lunch to start the next round of loading

Why am I always the one smiling? Look at those dirty beds in the connex!

The guys loading the beds up as Bojan supervises lol

That building you see is part of an area on base named the "Crackhouses". They are named that because of how crappy they look. They are the orginal structures from when Saddam Hussein ran the area. You can see bullet holes still in a few of them. Most of them have been remodeled on the inside and are used for VIP housing. They're like small houses with stone floors. It's crazy to think, when you step inside one, that insurgents could've used the building at one point.

The Recent Goings On

2008-08-27T10:38:00.006+03:00

So here are some pictures from the sandstorm we had on the 22nd of August. This has been a very odd few weeks for weather. It's been cloudy everyday looking like it's about to rain but instead we get smothering heat and sandstorms galore! Everyone is hoping for rain (excluding me and y'all should know why) but I don't mind. Actually this sandstorm was so sudden and was gone as quickly as it came. My supervisor (below) took these pictures of it.

My best friend in the whole world is pregnant and she will be giving birth late next month. Unfortunately I will not be there for her or the baby (Brayden is his name) until next summer when I go home for the reunion in Canada. I'm really bummed about it too but I'm trying to keep my head up. These pictures were taken at her baby shower that mom and Erin attended. I miss my Meggiepoo! That's Garrett with her. They have been together for almost 4 years I think and plan on getting married sometime after Brayden is born. Megan says she wants her figure back. :)

The Planning Process

2008-08-25T10:27:00.003+03:00

So as most of you know Joey and I are planning a trip to Australia in November. We have been searching and researching hotels, activities, flights, and beaches for weeks now and we finally somewhat figured out what we're doing.

We have decided to stay at a mediocre resort in Ellis Beach called Ellis Beach Bungalows. There are separate bungalows that are right on the beach so that's cool but the place itself is kind of....eh. The pool is kind of unfriendly looking but I wasn't planning on swimming in a pool. We want to stay here to enjoy all the crazy activties such as white water rafting, snorkelling, hiking, fishing (sport and big game...MARLIN!!!), and probably ATV and Horseback riding tours.

Then we will go to a little island that has a place for backpakcers. We're still debating on that though because it's a long way away (4 1/2 hour drive) from the main area we were going to be at, which is Cairns by the way.

No matter where we stay during the beginning of our vacation we are definitely topping it off with a relaxing 5 days and 4 nights at The Elandra Resort in Mission Beach. It is a luxury resort with amazing, beautiful rooms and a gorgeous pool with little day beds around it for the romantics. We are going to enjoy the sunday market and taste exotic fruits and nuts and all kinds of crazy foods. I'm so excited!

Joey bought a $1400 camera that he has been reading up on for a week now. He is determined to be a full fledged photographer by the time we get on the plane. So we'll have that plus he just ordered a waterproof camera cover for his other smaller camera for snorkelling and swimming and then we have my camera so there will be plenty of pictures for all to see when we get back.

We will leave here on the 4th to go to Dubai. Then we'll fly out on the 5th and since it's +1 day in Australia, we'll arrive on the 6th and stay until the 19th. I think two weeks is enough time to relax for once. If y'all want to look at the place we're going to stay at the website is www.elandraresorts.com We'll be getting the Queen suite!!! :) I'll never be able to do this again!!!

A Celebration of Completion

2008-08-18T17:52:00.003+03:00

I can't wait for this day to come where everyone gathers to say goodbye as I follow my heart to a different place (Texas). One day....one day. I'm going to miss Sedina!!!!

Gil holds up his drink cheering Sedina. I'm about the only one smiling. Lol

Andy reads Sedina's plaque to her

Sedina and Refijia embrace as they say their goodbyes

Edin, Edith, Sally, Damien, Yolanda and Sedina

This was a beautiful picture taken by our new employee Zak. He's a talented photographer

Drs. Messerly and Pindersloch

2008-08-12T14:19:00.003+03:00

"Hi my name is Dr. Messerly. Today we are going to continue our research on Toadius maximus. We have kept these toads in captivity for a few days and we are now going to release them back into the wild. We don't know how many have survived." As I follow Dr. Messerly to the releasing grounds I try to juggle 2 coffee cans with holes cut into the top while Dr. Messerly carries 2. "Dr. Pindersloch, will you hand me the first can so we can release the Toadius maximus's." "Sure Dr. Messerly, here you go...SHLUUURRRPP," a habit I have from my braces--always drooling. "As you can see here, Dr. Pindersloch, there are 5 toads alive in this can. Now we will set them free. Look those two are mating!!! Ha ha ha ha!" "Ahem, the toads seem to be mating Dr. Messerly. Let's open the next can." "Right, oh, it looks like we have found some dead ones in here. We kept them too long. There are 3 dead toads here." "What a shame...SHLUUURRRPP...we should have stopped the research soooner." Dr. Messerly then opens the third can and finds half and half. "Oh dear, this was the fat one. I figured he would stay alive this whole time. Ha ha look! The little one jumped on the dead one!!!! Look at him just sitting there." "Okay toadie, go back to your home," as I poke it in the butt with my finger. He doesn't really budge. Stubborn toad. "Dr. Messerly, it looks like there are 5 dead toads and 5 survived." "Yes that is correct Dr. Pindersloch." "Alright let's open the last can....two alive and three dead. Let's set them free and go back to the lab. We must tally the dead toads." "Yes, Toadius maximus." "SHLURRRRPP!" We get back to the "lab" and dump all the toads onto the porch. "Dr. Pindersloch, please count all the toads that did not survive this experiment." "One, two, three......ten! Unfortunately, ten toads did not survive." "I will dispose of these." After Dr. Messerly drops the can full of dead toads into the garbage we decide to unload all the beer into the fridge that dad bought, "Erin, dad bought a 24 pack of Budlight again."

Now you may think this was extremely cruel but in reality it was a complete accident. In the summer of 2002 Erin and I visited dad in Nebraska for a month and we were amazed to see all these new creatures that we never saw in Oregon. Fireflies, june bugs, huge locusts, and...toads. We caught a ton of toads and put them in coffee cans with holes on top but forgot about them out on the porch. 2 days later we remembered they were still sitting there and realized that many were dead. We decided to use my handy camcorder to tape a "failed experiment" by scientists from Germany, Drs. Messerly and Pindersloch. We didn't know if those were real German names and I'm sure our accents were way off (especially with me slurping up my spit every ten seconds). Needless to say, Dr. Messerly and I won't be doing anymore Toadius maximus experiments.

They printed my letter to the editor!!!

2008-08-09T08:51:00.002+03:00

There was an article in the Newberg Graphic the other day about the former mayor of Newberg and some other residents complaining over hay and dirt being blown into their yard. The field next to their houses was being mowed for hay and all that other farming crap. Anyway, I was pissed off about these snots so I wrote a letter to the editor about it and they put it on the website...I don't know if it's in the paper though. :)
http://www.newberggraphic.com/NBGLetters.shtml

Erin's Graduation

2008-08-07T13:07:00.002+03:00

For those of you who don't know, Erin had two graduations this last June. One was from Newberg Alternative High school and the other was Newberg High School. She spoke at the Alternative one and I recorded it all. Take a look at the videos...

The reason Erin keeps talking about her teachers forgetting her is because they didn't have a program backstage and forget about Erin's speech during the ceremony! HA! It was great though :) She recieved it well as you can see....

This was a slideshow some students made of the graduates.

This was Erin's first graduation walk. I almost cried except for when I laughed. :)

This was the final Graduation ceremony for my wittle sistuh. I'm so proud of her!!!

A Video for your Thoughts

2008-08-03T09:31:00.002+03:00

Most of you have already recieved this video via email from Daddy but I thought I'd post it anyway. He is a great person always trying to do the right thing even if it takes years to finish. He does his best to be there for us but sometimes loses sight. I love him and miss him very much and I can't wait until we can finally sit down on the porch together drinking beer and reminiscing. Although I'm sure he doesn't say it often to everyone I know he cares about all of us. Have you hugged him lately? Lol :)

A TOTAL DISAPPOINTMENT!!!

2008-08-02T09:08:00.002+03:00

Okay so Joey and I have been watching the Soprano saga for a few months now. We were addicted!!! Everyday during our lunchbreak and after work we'd watch as much as we could. Joey bought these bootleg copies in Thailand last year for a dollar a piece and they are actually pretty decent quality (even on the big HD screen). At the time the second part of the 6th season wasn't out yet so we borrowed it from a friend a few days ago. We could finally finish our favorite show ever. And then nothing. IT WAS TERRIBLE!!!! That was the worst ending to a show I have ever seen!!! Oh the writers really must have thought they were being clever but I'm outraged!!! My favorite show has now spoiled into rotting garbage. Oh well, now I can start focusing on bigger and better things like ER and America's Funniest Home Videos. Oh and my home videos of course (I have some of Meg and Zach's antics caught on tape too! Muahahaha). Only a matter of days or maybe weeks until I get that show on the road...literally.

Random Stuff and Things

2008-07-31T10:24:00.004+03:00

Okay, the first thing I'd like to mention is, "KBR HOUSING HAS NO CUSTOMER SERVICE AND NO REGARD FOR PEOPLES BELONGINGS!!!!!!" That being said, I can move on to the next order of business.

I was sitting lazily in my office the other day bringing up memories of growing up. I remembered the home video from Christmas 1993 when Erin was eating so much chocolate that it ended up inside her nostrils and Auntie Deanna and Uncle Kurt came over with Grandma to help us eat a turkey. Dad was having fun spinning in his new chair from Ikea and mom was trying to recite a Christmas story but no one was listening. Ha ha. Good times. I then remembered what happened to that video and I got angry. While I was living in one of my many houses since high school I had a girl living in the room next to me. The house was my friends who I worked with and he let me come live in a room downstairs for $400 a month. There were about 9 bedrooms in the house. It used to be a care home for the elderly. Anyway he was renting rooms out and at the time I was the only one living downstairs. A few weeks later a girl moved to the room next to me with her young son. At the time I had my two cats and they were always in my room. I came home one day to find some stuff in my room out of the ordinary. I could tell the box of movies had been sifted through so I went next door to ask this girl where my movies were. She said her son wanted to play with the cats so she let him in my room and he grabbed movies. I got them back and decided to get a lock put on my door. The house was old though and the wood around the door was worn so anyone could get in even with a lock. Throughout my time living there I had come home to my door open and my cats missing (I finally tracked them down outside) and stuff stolen from my room. I couldn't handle it anymore and finally moved out. I had to basically steal my stuff back from this chick (who I ended up seeing snorting coke on MY coffee table the day I left) but I never noticed my home movies until I saw the empty box. I still don't know what she did with it but my favorite memory is now just that, a memory. I don't know who would steal an old VHS tape of someone else's family. It makes no sense but druggies never make any sense. So, this story brought me to my next thought.

My video camera. I got one for Christmas in 2000 or 2001 and made a ton of movies and useless things on the way. The camera finally gave way a few years ago and I wasn't able to playback my tapes anymore. I thought, "I can afford another video camera and watch all those movies again!" So I finally found a decent used camcorder and it's on its way over here as I type. I had mom find my tapes and she's sending them over. There is nothing better than watching memories especially when you're so far away from home. I will eventually put them on DVD's. On these tapes are Christmas's, vacations (including my adventures in Maine), attempts at movie making, and a ton of odd activities including mom's favorite; the scooter session. I can't wait!

Now, here are some pictures Auntie Norma sent me of their visit to Newberg. I miss my family!!!!!

A Prayer for my Future

2008-07-24T09:45:00.004+03:00

I never know how to start these things. I feel like writing and then when the time comes to actually start putting things together I freeze up and forget everything I was going to say. Kind of like when I have a problem with someone. I have always been non-confrontational. Anytime someone bullied me around I would either be silent and try to ignore them while everyone was staring at me or I'd try and say something back but I would fumble over my words so much that I sounded like an Alzheimer's patient. It was embarrassing to say the least.

I remember this one time back in middle school when I was in Mr. Kaltwasser's science class. We were all getting into seats to start watch Bill Nye the Science Guy. My best friend Natalie and I chose two seats near the popular kids (they tended to gravitate to one side of the room together). They were the only open seats to where we could sit together. One of the kids spoke up and said, "That seat is saved for Scott McDonald!" Scott McDonald was getting back from a Japan trip anyday at the time so they had saved him a seat already...go figure. Natalie obeyed and moved across the room. I, however, stood my ground and didn't move. I sat there and Mr. Kaltwasser started the show and dimmed the lights. Suddenly, I felt something hit the back of my head. I ignored it. Then another. I heard giggling but ignored it again. This time the something hit my arm. It was wet. I knew someone was spewing spit wads at me but I just sat there like an idiot. Then I heard whispering. Not the kind where it is almost inaudible though. The kind that is meant for you to hear but said to someone else. Horrible cruel things. I couldn't believe all of this was happening just because I sat where I wanted to sit. Slowly my tears started to fall on the desk in front of me. That made things worse. I tried to hide it but they knew I was a baby. They began throwing anything they could find and I believe some of them spit on me. I was devastated and crushed. My best friend abandoned me and I was being bullied just because I was different. At that point I was silently bawling, you know, snot dripping from your nostrils, silent heaves of sadness, the works. Mr. Kaltwasser wasn't anyone's favorite teacher so I wasn't surprised when he noticed me making noise and spoke up, "Serena do you have a problem? Can you keep quiet whiole the class watches the movie?" He was completely oblivious to everything. Finally the bell rang and everyone started to leave. The lights turned on but I had laid my head down on the desk with my arms wrapped around it so no one could see me. Mr. Kaltwasser came up to me and tapped my shoulder, "You need to control yourself. If you have a problem go to the office." I wiped my tears, blew my nose and did what he said. I walked downstairs to the office trying to be inconspicuous at the same time. I didn't want to show my face to all those people. I went in and told them my story and they called every single one of those kids into the office in a huge meeting. I can't really remember what happened after that. I know it didn't help my situation and I was still ridiculed all the way up until my senior year of high school but by then I had learned not to care as much and let it roll off my back unless of course I had a crush on the person who was treating my like that. In my senior year though, one student out of all those kids (there had to be at least 20) finally grew up. I was in choir one day and someone walked in and said that someone needed to speak to me outside. I walked out and saw Sam Ashdown. In middle school he was short and handsome and he had always been smart. I maybe like him a little back then but I hadn't really seen him since we entered high school. He was in all the smart classes and drama productions. Anyway, I was surprised to see him standing there in front of me. I asked him what was going on and he began, "I have just been thinking about all the people I have hurt in my life and I wanted to apologize to you. I know I wasn't the nicest to you growing up and I wanted you to know that I feel bad about it all. I don't really hang out with those guys anymore and I know they did things to you that were wrong and I'm sorry." I said, "Okay, well I accept your apology." I'm pretty sure he was trying to right himself rather than feel genuine concern but I'm glad he did what he did. I felt better and I'll never forget it.

There are a lot more stories similar to that one that happened to me growing up but that one will always stick with me. This brings me to my next point. Why am I such a coward (if that's what you call me in that situation)? Why can't I stick up for myself or tell someone how it makes me feel without sounding retarded or flipping out? Now I'm not going to blame this on my mom but this is something I noticed that was different about my mom compared to others.

I was probably in the 6th or 7th grade at the time. We lived in an apartment complex and there was one kid named Will who lived there with his dad off and on. He went to the other middle school in Newberg so I didn't know who he was when I saw him. I don't remember how we met but we hit it off and I had a crush. Weeks went by and I was roller blading one day and we kissed in the parking lot. It happened to be in front of the apartment building that housed a girl named Simone. This girl could be nice when she wanted to but she was mostly mean spirited like her mom. Her mom never liked me for some reason and since Simone was one of the only girls my age in the complex I ended up hanging out with her most of the time. Her mom was strict and on this day she looked out the window to see this little kiss happen. I can't remember if she yelled out the window at us but I think she did because I ran to my apartment (or rather rollerbladed). I went to the bathroom and shut the door. 5 minutes later I heard someone knocking on the front door and heard Simone's mother raising her voice at my mom. I could hear her say something along the lines of, "I don't want my daughter seeing this! It's unacceptable. She shouldn't be allowed to kiss boys!" I was hoping my mom would say something back at her about minding her own business but she didn't. She just let her speak to her that way and then shut the door. I'm pretty sure I got grounded or some kind of punishment but that wasn't why I was angry. I was angry because my mom didn't say anything to her. This lady was mean and she had been mean to my mom many times as well as Erin and I but mom didn't say anything to her.

I think this may have been where I got my habit of letting people talk down to me. Don't get me wrong, my mom is a strong person and I love her to death. But when it came to us for some reason she turned to jell-o. I can understand being upset with me for doing something wrong but at least don't show them that. Let them know that you're the boss of your kids. Now when I got bullied nothing happened. I still had to endure the pain of those kids everyday. I have seen some parents go in to the office to protect their kids no matter if they were wrong or right. My point is that this is probably why I am like this today. I have issues with people and I either put up walls (i.e. attitude or ignorance) or I become quiet and let it stay inside me for a long time...sometimes both. Then I have a tendency to let that same person badger me until I explode and there are always consequences with that (write-ups, etc.). The whole thing could've been avoided if it had been nipped in the butt when it first happened but I'm not clever and calm like all these other women. I can get too excited and say things I don't mean. Most things I say don't make sense because everything gets mixed up between the time it leaves my brain and hits my mouth. This is why I have issues nowadays. This is why women don't like being around me (because all these situations revolve around women) and this is why I have a small fistful of good friends. I wish I could change but I don't know the steps to do so. I don't want my children to be like me. I don't want them to be bullied. I want them to stick up for themselves. It's so easy to say, "Just tak a step back and breathe." It's so easy to say it! The people who tell me that don't have anything to worry about because they are set. The have clever things to say and they know when to say them to shut someone up to the point that they will be left alone. I think that sometimes people see me and notice a huge target on my head. Then they think, "Oh this one will be easy to get! She won't fight back" I don't want to be that person anymore! I'm frustrated with all of this and I want it to stop.

Lord, please give me strength to stand up for myself. I don't want to hurt anyone else but most of all I don't want to hurt myself.

My 2008 FatBoy-I named her Trixie

2008-07-02T13:17:00.003+03:00

Pretty sweet eh? Too bad she's in storage now...:(

R&R Pics June 2008

2008-07-01T18:19:00.002+03:00

Some pics of my R&R when I was in Oregon and Texas

Back in the Desert

2008-06-28T09:56:00.002+03:00

So I returned from R&R and now it's time for desert, sand in the lungs, and multiple coughing fits. Yummy...

I had an excellent R&R. I got to meet Auntie Norma and my cousins, Katie and Kyle. We started out with showing off photo albums of each others' families growing up. They are very skilled in scrapbook making. It made our scrapbook, that we worked so hard on for my mom, look like garbage lol. It was a lot of fun. Then we went to dinner and had some drinks and played games back at home. Jeff was getting very competitive during our game session. The next day we went to Woodburn Outlet Stores and went shopping. We got a few things and it was just good to spend time with my cousins. Katie and I got along really well and I can't wait to hang out with her again. Kyle is awesome too and he'll be fun to party with once I'm done with this crap. I can't wait to see everyone again.

I also got to meet Joey's friends and family. His friends were hilarious and his mom was so caring. I loved the way she treated her two boys and how they all teased each other in a loving way. Joey's cousin Natalie was cool too and I'm bummed I didn't get to hang out with her much. Once I move to Texas there will be plenty of gathering and partying. His dad and stepmom were great (apparently his dad likes blondes so I'm in his favor :)) and their kids were sweethearts. They were enjoying playing with a little black kitten (he looked a lot like Bageera) and would try to involve me in it as well. I was so bummed I couldn't stay longer to be with everyone. We went fishing and to the shooting range and went to lots of restaurants and a few clubs. We looked at houses too. There are gorgeous houses there!!!

Being home was great. I got to see my family from Canada and see my sister graduate. It was fun hanging out with my mom all the time. Being home made it even harder for me to leave. I have decided I won't be coming home for the next few R&R's. It is getting to hard to leave everyone behind and makes it miserable for me to be at work. I'm ready to demob already but I know I can't. I'm waiting for Joey to do so and then I'll come home. I'm trying to be strong but it's so hard when I call home and everyone's happy doing their thing. Unfortunately I won't be able to see my best friend have her first child. I won't even be able to see him until he's at least a year old. Why are you doing this, you may ask. I have no direct answer. I know I can't go home with nothing in my pocket. I need to establish some financial stability so that when I do go home for good I will be able to find a comfortable job that is not as demanding as this one. Who knows, maybe I'll go back to school.

Everyone pray for me to be strong while I'm here. I don't want to shed any more tears!

My Baby

2008-05-11T14:43:00.002+03:00

New Camera

2008-05-11T14:04:00.016+03:00

The other day I got an email reminding me that I had until the 14th of May to pay off my Harley if I wanted to pick it up in June when I go home. So I gathered my checkbook and went to the PX (Postal Exchange for you civilian minded folks lol). I wrote a fat check and got my final receipt. I was so happy that I figured I should celebrate. So I did. I bought a new camera. I needed one for a long time but never put myself out there to make the purchase. This one is a Sony CyberShot with 8.1 Megapixels and 10x Zoom Lens. It takes beautiful pictures and I'm so happy I have it for my trip to Amsterdam. I decided to try it out on some soldiers and other people. What do you think?

My baby looking manly outside his CHU

There he is again putting up his homemade spice rack. :)
Me and one of the cooks

Lasantha and Pinto

Curtis "O" Oliver's Memorial Ceremony RIP

I was dinking around with the old photo effect...I think it's cool though

Another cool sunset in Iraq

My Yoga instructor, mentor, coworker and friend, Rose.

The soldiers drinking near beer. Hahaha

Me and some of the DFAC guys...I was in the sun too long

Catching a football or walking on water?

The guys wanted to be sprayed with the water hose that fills the pool up

Back flips into the pool!

Can opener!!!

Freedom Rest-North

2008-04-17T10:55:00.003+03:00

These past few weeks have been extremely trying and stressful for me. I started a new job. I still have the same title but I'm in a new place. It's called Freedom Rest-North. It's supposed to be a great opportunity and it's imperative that us KBR employees over here make a good impression. A lot is riding on us. A lot is expected of us. It's crazy most of the time. I have done the best I can so far. I don't get along with everyone but I'm trying. We are here to keep the soldiers happy and boost their morale. My job is meshed with a different department, MWR. It means Morale, Welfare, and Recreation. MWR and Billeting (me) work together cleaning, organizing, and keeping soldiers moods up. It will be very rewarding in the end if all goes well. The way I keep the stress down is running and Yoga after work. I'm getting into the swing of things again because I was slacking these last few weeks. I'm hoping it will relieve stress and help me look good for my upcoming R&R. June 3rd is when I'll be home. Erin will be graduating, I'll be picking up my bike, I'll be meeting my newfound family, and Joey will be coming to Oregon for the first time to meet the family. I will also be flying to Houston for a few days to visit his family and start looking at houses. We will be buying one together probably next year. We are both extremely excited for this big step. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone!!! :)

My New Found Love...

2008-03-15T13:41:00.002+03:00

Jean M. Auel. An amazing author. Have any of you read her books? I know Megan and Mom have. Mom bought be the Clan of the Cave Bear series for my birthday and although I'm not necessarily interested in adventure books I was happy to recieve them. My mom and I have a lot of the same tastes and I figured if she liked them then I would too. Afterall, she was the one who got me into Jackie Collins. So I started reading the series. The first book, The Clan of the Cave Bear, was great and I was hooked from the first few pages. I finished in like five days and went to the next one, The Valley of Horses, and I just read the final page in that one. It took only three days. Now I'm going to start The Mammoth Hunters and I can't wait to dig in! They are amazing and everyone should start reading them!!! Seriously!!! I also must give a shout out to my amazing boyfriend.....he is not new anymore but he's still my love. :)

I Bought A New Toy!!!!

2008-03-08T08:59:00.001+03:00

Picture me on this except in Vivid Black!
I bought a 2008 Harley-Davidson Fat Boy yesterday!!!! It's Vivid Black and I'm picking it up in Tigard when I get home in June!!!! Whoohoo!!!!! Now me and Daddy can start the Father/Daughter Biker Gang!!!!

Things I Hate

2008-03-05T16:05:00.002+03:00

I hate it when it's a bright, clear, sunny day. The temperature is pretty warm. And then the cold wind rolls in. Like today. There we were outside in t-shirts sweatin' and then the wind started blowing and I was getting goosebumps all over. I hate the damn wind!!! Pretty soon it will be warm enough to the point that we won't need to wear jackets at night. Right now we're averaging about 75-85 degrees a day. Nice eh?

R&R February 2008

2008-03-05T07:55:00.027+03:00

ABOVE: My buddy Mike took this pic of me before we all went to a few bars in Tigard.

My buddy Mike...

Brandon Ornelas! My very good friend from Gresham. We went up to Crown Point.

The view from Crown Point in the Columbia River Gorge. It was beautiful and windy as hell!

Me freezing my ass off at Crown Point. We were outside the truck for about 5 minutes to take pictures but it was way too cold!!

I don't know why Brandon took this pic of me. I have no idea what I was doing. Doesn't my hair look great though?!

Brandon and I at Chevron in Gresham where I used to work. I had to go visit the old gang!

April and I out at the smoking area at Chevron. She always wears crazy make-up!!!

My new tattoo nice and fresh! Megan drew it! Isn't it cool? 2 1/2 hours!

Fatty dog!!!! Need I say more??

Megan's first photo of her belly. We still don't know exactly how many weeks along she is. She'll be finding out soon though!!! I'm so excited!

Okay Dakota had the cutest fur hat and I had to wear it!!!! I look so country in this picture at my Auntie's farm in Alberta! Dakota has chocolate all over his face lol :)

Me and Meggiepoo at Grandma Glo's house in Didsbury, Alberta.

Little Quintin wasn't feeling well so we all took the opportunity to take advantage of his sweetness. He snuggled with me while we watched a scary movie. Don't worry I shielded his eyes during the scary parts. I'm pretty sure he didn't have any nightmares from it!

Opening a card from Auntie Lori. She made it herself! She's very crafty! Those are my most comfy yoga pants!

The morning me and Megan woke up at Auntie Lori's house. Dakota and Quintin decided to come wake us up with Valentines cards.

Uncle Willie asked me how many waffles I wanted for breakfast and I told him one. This is what I got...

This was the plane we flew in from Seattle, Washington to Calgary, Alberta. Beavers! Hahaha

Okay this was taken in the Seattle Airport waiting for our flight to Calgary. I don't know if you can tell in this picture but my face is really burnt and my eye brows have red marks across them from being burnt by the hot wax when I got them waxed the day before. It was quite a sight to see!

Megan waiting in the airport showing off her five dollar bag of Roasted Almonds from Starbucks. Figures.

So it was a pretty good R&R. I didn't take as many pictures as I wanted to but it was still fun. Next time I'll go up there for more than a few days. That was just ridiculous!!!

The Dusty Season

2008-03-04T15:31:00.002+03:00

Tis' the season to be dusty...tra la la la la la la la la. There have been three "dust storms" here in the past two weeks or so. Apparently this is the season for them. Now everyone has been confusing me with the difference between "dust storms" and "sand storms" but Joey finally explained them to me.

A dust storm is when it gets really windy and A LOT of dust gets picked up and kind of circulates around an area. It's pretty thick but you can usually see about 100 yards out. They aren't too bad. You can also see faint blue sky above you. Everything gets dusty even if all the doors and windows are shut. It's kind of creepy and sucks if it starts raining cuz it turns mucky.

A sand storm, on the other hand, is a huge solid wall of dust. I have never seen one yet but Joey said that it can be a perfectly sunny day out and in the horizon you can see a dark brownish-orangish wall slowly moving. Once it's upon you, you are unable to see the hood of your own vehicle. It's crazy! Hopefully one of these will show their ugly faces while I'm here. They are most common in July.

Yesterday was a big "dust storm". It looked so dirty outside and you couldn't walk anywhere without having something sheilding your mouth and eyes from the dirt. Me and Joey were doing our laundry in it which was pretty much pointless. I accidentally left my window open all day so my room wouldn't get stuffy and when I got home I had dust everywhere. In fact even hours later after the storm passed my room was still hazy with dirt floating in the air. I couldn't help thinking, "No wonder I have breathing issues over here." We really do take advantage of our somewhat clean air back in the states. I think even L.A. air is cleaner than this burned garbage particle, disease infested, toxic air. I wonder what the cancer rate is for those who have lived in Iraq and if it affects them in the long run....

Back in Iraq!

2008-03-01T08:40:00.002+03:00

So I have already started the planning process for my next R&R and I just got back. That's the way we do things though. Always gotta plan ahead and hurry up and wait. Let's see while I was home on R&R I didn't get to do half the things I wanted or needed to do. Some more important than others. I got to see mostly everyone though and I got a killer tattoo on my left side. My best friend in the whole for the past 13 years is now pregnant so we didn't get to party it up while I was home but it still fun to be with her. Everything is changing so much! I can't even picture myself at home permanently anymore. It's not even feasible. All I see in my future for the next few years is travelling all over the world and gaining great experiences to replay back to my kids one day. Joey and I are still doing great. As a matter of fact today is 5 months for us although it feels more like a few years. He finally confessed his love for me the other day. It was something special. He leaves for R&R on Tuesday so I will go through a lonely two weeks without him. We are planning a special R&R for just the two of us in March 2009 to the Philippines so we're pretty excited about that. I'll get new pictures up as soon as I can!

KULAK CAMP DAY

2008-02-02T18:18:00.000+03:00

I went to my SCWs' (subcontractor worker) camp to eat dinner with him and his friends a few nights ago. I was curious to see how their living conditions were. I was surprised to find some decent food and apartment like housing arrangements. Everyone was really nice and polite and shy. They offered me cake and drinks and were very good hosts. There were about 12 people to a large room and there was lots of space. They had their own little cleaning schedules and everything was neat and tidy. It was very interesting and I'm glad I went. I would do it again too...probably some time after my R&R. Here are some pics of my adventures in the Kulak Camp...

I CAN WALK AROUND IN SOCKS AGAIN...

2008-01-27T13:00:00.000+03:00

Soooo 15 more days until I leave this place!!! I'm extremely excited to start out-processing. The long journey will begin on the night of the 9th. After a long twelve hour day I will head on back to my good ol' dorm room (aka the closet) and pack up my gear. I have to be careful of what to pack because of all these new rules at airports. I'm still trying to decided if I'm bringing one carry-on for all my stuff or two bags just in case....we'll see when it gets closer. I will then probably head to Joey's CHU to hang out with him. Depending on my excitement I might stay up really late or just go to bed and then wake the next day and be ready by 6am for a long day of waiting. Then I can just sit and relax after all the paperwork and headaches and wait for the plane to arrive. I'm hoping the weather has no part in this day. The last three days here have been Oregon-like. Rainy and dreary and muddy. I have been miserable and have been turning the people around me miserable as well. Because of all the rain and cloud cover there haven't been planes leaving for R&R so a lot of people are getting their R&R's pushed forward a few days. I hope the weather is decent again by the time I get to leave. I miss the brisk sunny climate. By the time I get back from R&R the weather should be improving considerably and warming up again. I still have to endure long flights and lay overs to get home but pretty soon I'll be able to walk from my room to the bathroom without putting shoes and a jacket on....that will be the day!!! *SIGH*

BETTY SUE

2008-01-11T14:41:00.001+03:00

THIS IS THE KICK ASS VEHICLE I LEARNED HOW TO DRIVE A MANUAL IN. SHE'S PRETTY SWEET IF YOU ASK ME. IF THEY WEREN'T SO DAMN EXPENSIVE, I WOULD BUY ONE AS A TOY BACK HOME. I WOULD LOOOOVE TO SHIP HER BACK TO THE STATES!!! :) LAND CRUISER DEFENDER

BIG TRUCKS! This is me someday...

2008-01-09T13:32:00.000+03:00

Pretty freakin' sweet eh? I can't wait to either lift my Ranger or get a bigger toy and lift that! Either way it's happening!

1 DOWN, MANY TO GO!

2008-01-07T13:40:00.000+03:00

I paid off my truck the other day!!! Woot! I am now the proud owner of a 2001 Ford Ranger Edge! I can't wait to go home and drive my baby! Now I can move on to even greater things like purchasing a Harley Davidson Fat Boy just like my Pappy! We're going to look at some when I'm home in February and I'll probably save up money and make my purchase in June on my R&R. I can't wait to have a father/daughter biker gang lol. :)

It won't be red but it will be freakin' sweet!!! I'm so excited to do what I have always wanted to do!!!

CHRISTMAS PICS!!!!

2008-01-02T08:56:00.000+03:00

JOEY'S BEAR HANGING WITH HIS FISHY

I GOT JOEY A BUILD-A-BEAR FOR X-MAS!

I OPENED A PRESENT FROM AUNTIE BONNIE AND UNCLE MYRON

MY SIS SENT THE PENGUIN AND JEFF SENT THE LIQUERS...YUMMM

I HAD JUST WOKE JOEY UP TO OPEN HIS STOCKING LOL

MY PLAIN STOCKING AND THE FANCY ONE I GOT JOEY!! HE LOVED IT...CAN YOU TELL HE'S A FISHERMAN YET?

ME OPENING MY CHRISTMAS EVE PAJAMAS

OUR CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS TREE....

All in all it was a good Christmas celebration! Isn't Joey adorable?? I'm glad I spent the Holiday with him! :)

---Something to Ponder---

2008-01-01T17:04:00.000+03:00

I have only been in love twice...or have I? I have two situations that I have never really been able to comprehend. Here they are:

When I was in high school I hung out with a group of friends that were neither popular nor losers. They were inbetweeners and I guess I was an inbetweener as well. One of the guys in particular was in my interest. He was a tall, dark haired guy who was pretty quiet most of the time. His name was Kevin. Kevin grew up in a Mormon family on the mountain outside of Newberg. That could be why he acted the way he did. God knows his family wasn't the nicest but I couldn't help being attracted to him. I wanted him and I set out for it. Hanging out every chance I got and flirting my way into his circle of acceptance. Another girl was after him too at the same time and he kind of had to choose between us. I don't know what she was trying to prove but she was older than us and always had guys after her but she wanted Kevin. She was probably doing it to make my life miserable because we never had the best track record. Eventually he chose her and I stopped hanging out with the group as much. One day a few weeks later he decided to say hello and chat with me. I could tell something was different and pretty soon I had figured out that he had been duped with her. She quickly lost interest in him and he fell back to the only person he knew would take him...me. Yes, pathetic Serena gave in and started hanging out with Kevin again. He asked me out a few days later and I obliged. He was my first real boyfriend and I was so ecstatic to have him in my life! I thought it was the best thing ever and all of our friends joked about how we were going to get married. They really did believe it and I guess I started believing them too. I had never noticed when we were together but we clashed completely. He was serious most of the time and never argued (which is healthy for most relationships). He didn't care what I did and who I hung out with. Most of the time it seemed like he was always making plans just so he wouldn't have to hang out with me but he never let me go. He kept me around for some reason and it wasn't what you're thinking. At the time we were both virgins. It was his first relationship too and pretty soon I thought I started feeling something for him that was more than lust. One day I blurted out, "I love you." And he just looked at me for a long time and replied, "Good, now I know you're serious about this relationship." That was it. After that I was in a cave. I barely remember any good moments we had and I told him I loved him on numerous occasions. There was only one time he ever said it to me and it took place in a crowded movie theatre while the movie was playing. No one was watching it because everyone just went there to get away from their parents. He looked at me and told me something. I knew what it was because I can lip read but then it got awkward. He never said it after that and whenever I asked him why he always said the same thing, "I don't want to say I love someone unless I love them 100% and that's the person I will marry." I still didn't get it and this thing that I called a relationship went on for over a year. He finally broke it off after I broke down for the last time in front of him. He said he needed a break and I figured it would be a few weeks. Needless to say we never got back together and it took me over a year to get over him. That was the most boring relationship anyone could ever have. I honestly don't know how I stuck through it for so long. I lost so much time in that situation. So much precious time I could've used on my grades. Oh well. Shit happens.

The second time I ever loved someone was a lot more fulfilling than Kevin. I used to work at a Chevron in Gresham, OR. I had my regular customers and they kept coming back because I was considered "one of the prettiest girls to ever work in the gas station industry." I had the Toyota guys from the dealership who got their free cups of pop, the Phillipino guy that had porcupine hair and drove an Evo8, and the Gypsies (there really are Gypsies) who you always had to keep an eye on especially when they were turning their charm on. I also had all the guys from the surrounding areas with their lifted trucks coming in fresh from mudding. There was a kid who drove an old lifted brown Ford pick up that always got gas and an Amp almost everyday at the same time. I always acknowledged him and smiled and then he went on his way. I never really gave much thoght to the situation until one day when I was in a particularly good mood. I saw him pull up and I ran to the cooler to grab his Amp. It was sitting on the counter when he walked in and he smiled for the first time. He never said anything and I saw his name on his shirt once, Dom, and thought he didn't speak any english like he was Russian or something. Anyway he smiled and walked up to the counter and asked where I lived and I told him I had just moved down the street into a house. He said he had just moved to Sandy and he and his buddies were throwing a housewarming party that night. He invited me to come and I gave him my number to call me after work. I honestly didn't think I'd get a call and then it happened as I was leaving Chevron. I got excited and changed and drove to Sandy with lots of anticipation. I didn't know what to think. His buddies welcomed me with open arms and I started enjoying this shindig. Everyone there owned a truck and bashed on my Ford but I was accepted. At the time I chewed tobacco and when they found that out they almost fell over in shock. From then on I was called Grizzly, Grizz for short, for the notorious can of Grizzly Mint in my pocket. Me and Dom hit it off and pretty soon we were calling each other to hang out all the time. Like Kevin, he had never really had a relationship before. At that stage in my life I was kind of a wild child. I was dating different guys at once and just playing the field and enjoying my single life. I tried to brake things off with Dom one night and I could tell he was crushed. At this point we hadn't established anything as far as status but I didn't know if I wanted to be with just one person. He was crushed and I thought about what I had done overnight. The next day I called him up to see of we could talk in person. I drove to his house and found out from his buddies that he was crushed. Apparently he had been talking about me for days and was smitten. I also found out that he had cried in his room that night. I had never made a guy cry before and I was touched that I had affected him this way. I sat down to talk with him and before I knew it we were embracing and making plans for a day date. I had a boyfriend who actually cared for me and wanted to be with me all the time. We were happy and had our little faults. I had to move out of my house suddenly because the owners were in some shady business that I didn't want to get caught up in and he offered to let me move in with him and the guys. I did so and everything was perfect. I loved it there. Iloved it so much that I started getting carried away with things and was nitpicking everything the guys did. Me and Dom loved each other but knew I couldn't live there anymore so I moved in with my best friend 45 minutes away from Dom. We tried keeping our relationship but he was busy with work and I often coudln't afford to drive out to see him. Then he turned 21 and that where everything turned around. Suddenly we were fighting and seeing less of each other and it was only one week after his birthday that he dumped me. It was sudden and unexpected and I was crushed. I did some things I shouldn't have and regretted it and finally forgave him for hurting me. Boys are boys. Their minds change quickly. He since then snatched up a new girlfriend and I'm happy for him but sad at the same time. I feel like things were unfinished between us and it could've been fixed. We will remain friends but I will always cherish him and what we had.

Two completely different situations. I don't know if I was in love either time. I guess it's safe to say I wasn't if I didn't know for sure but how do you really know? I'm scared to search for it. I'm scared to get hurt again. I feel like I need time to digest life before I can ever be in a relationship like that again. I sometimes want to just stay single forever and watch people pass me be miserable with their spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, companions. I want to say, "HA! I don't have to worry about that!" But then I know that if I look into the eyes of someone special those feelings will drip away and I'll be left with a fluttering heart and a shortness of breath.

It is what it is...

2007-12-28T14:37:00.000+03:00

Here I am again. The New Year is only a couple of days away and it hasn't even hit me yet. I have never really had a New Year's celebration that I liked with the exception of one:

A few years back I had my best friend Megan and her little sister Kayla come over for New Year's. We spent it with my mom and Jeff. Having creative minds is so exhausting because we decided to have a marathon tournament. I had a video camera at the time and decided to record this marathon. We had a bunch of events. A spelling bee, karaoke, arm wrestling, and some weird push-up thing with someone on your back. Megan and Kayla competed against each other. Of course Megan won because she is extremely competitive and always has been. I won the Karaoke since I love to sing and well, I don't think neither Megan or Kayla got their mom's musical talent when it involves vocal cords lol. It may have been juvenile but it was a fun New Year's celebration. Keep in mind I'm burning that tape. Lol.

This is my first time ringing in the New Year with a boyfriend of significance. It should either be interesting or just another day in Iraq. I'm extremely tired of this place and anxious to go home and see everyone. I keep counting down the days to my birthday but it still isn't close enough. I just keep adding stuff to that list of things to do when I'm home. I forgot that I have my baby to go see. My little black furball. I miss him so much!!! My little drooler. Just like his Mama!!! Lol.

Unfortunately things are getting more and more stressful over here for me. I have a sometimes difficult coworker to deal with, I have a pair of sisters in my department who despise me and act like they are in high school even though they're both over 40, and I'm constantly frustrated with this job. I want to do something. I want chaotic mayhem present around me at all times. I want a crazy job!!! I would love to transfer to Materials. That's the same department as my dad and although he hates it and it's physically affecting him, I know I could handle it. I like that kind of stress. Some people just enjoy stressful work environments.

My sister got me an amazing book for Christmas that I think everyone should read. It's called Naked by David Sedaris. Apparently this book was written like 10 years ago but it's still excellent! I haven't finished it but I can tell it's going to be an enjoyable ride!!! It's an autobiography of Mr. Sedaris. He chooses key stories from his life growing up and they are hilarious and sometimes messed up! Very good book and well written. My sister knows me too well!

I have made a decision involving my future plans recently. I don't know when this change will take place but I have decided to move to Texas as soon as possible. I am going to save up some money and probably after a year or so I'll seriously start searching for a house. It's extremely cheap there compared to Oregon. Don't get me wrong, Oregon is beautiful and I will miss it but I have always known I wouldn't live in Oregon forever. I always wanted a change. Texas is almost the complete opposite of Oregon. I know I will always go back to the Beaver State though because Mum and Jeff will be there and my best friend of course. I opted to move her and Garrett to Texas with me but Meg said he probably wouldn't like that very much. He's a very stubborn person lol. But Texas, yes, Texas is where I will move to. I will purchase a house and keep working over here to pay it off and make some more money. I was considering renting it out while I'm away. Hopefully I will get to share it with someone special but I would love to just have my own place for awhile.

Future house?

I have Christmas pictures to post but it will be a few days before they are on the computer. They are pictures of Joey and I cleaning his room on Christmas Eve (what a way to spend the Holiday right?) and opening presents the next morning in a nice CLEAN room. He's so special to me!!! He is everything I'm not. It's crazy the way we are but as a friend used to say before he left for a different base, "it is what it is."

The Holidaze

2007-12-22T09:42:00.001+03:00

Christmas is here and frost is in the air...no joke! It's freeeezing over here in good ol' Iraq! So far this holiday season 4 people in my department were out of commission for at least a day with Iraqi Crud, including me. I was out for two days. Let me tell you; living in a dorm room and being sick is not fun. Luckily I do not have a roommate so I didn't have to worry about someone else being sick in the room with me. When you are sick enough to have a day off over here, they don't want you to leave your room. I was literally stuck in this 7' by 16' room for two days. My coworker came in periodically with a Housing escort to bring me soup and check up on me but it was the most miserable two days. I was pumped with antibiotics and drowsy meds to get by. I'm feeling much better now but the Iraqi Crud is probably the worst thing that could happen to you.

On another note, it is an enjoyable Holiday Season for me over here. I have Joey to spend Christmas with and I have spoiled him rotten. I got him a stocking and have yet to wrap his stocking stuffers. This is the first guy I have really spent time with on Christmas. Hopefully it will be one to remember. I'm glad I have him in my life during this first Christmas away from family. I wish Dad was at this base still but alas he is far away once again. I will see him again soon though. In January actually. He will be going through my camp to go home on R&R so I will spend as much time as possible with him when he's here.

My birthday is only 61 days away!! It's so exciting!!! I'mmore excited to see friends and family. I keep forgetting that I'm going to Canada during this time so there will be lots of visits to friends and family when I'm home. I have a feeling this first R&R will be more stressful than relaxing. I have so much to do and so many people to see. I don't know how I'll be able to do it in such little time. I didn't have a chance to take a Christmas photo this year. I wanted to get one with Joey but maybe next year we'll do it. This is the best I can do for now.

GO FORDS!!!

2007-12-08T09:00:00.000+03:00

The Poop Truck

I am extremely thrilled!!! I only have $4200 left to pay and then she's all mine! My beautiful "Poop Truck". The reason it is called the "Poop Truck" is: A. One of the bumper stickers says "I'm only speeding because I really have to poop!" and 2: My mom says it sounds like s*** because I took the exhaust off before I left for Iraq...so it's really loud lol. I don't care though. She is my first truck and I love her!!! I am also extremely thrilled because of what someone said to me last night. I was working out at the gym and noticed one of Joey's friends staring at me...I just ignored it. Later on when I was watching the guys play basketball that friend came up to me and commented on how I looked. He said he was looking at pictures from when I first got here two months ago and noticed a huge difference in my face. I lost a lot of weight in my face I guess so that's exciting! I haven't noticed myself though because I haven't taken any recent pics of myself...which reminds me to do so for the family photo...Mum's going to photoshop me in it somehow lol. Anyway, I had a few days off from the gym because Joey came back and I had to spend some quality time with him. Now I'm back in the game and Joey is hopefully playing with me on this one. We're going to go to the gym together and hopefully achieve our goals of looking great!!!

Quintin and Erin on Thanksgiving!

The Saga Continues...

2007-12-01T10:01:00.000+03:00

I'm still going to the gym everyday. I'm kickin' ass and taking names!!! I'm still not lifting much compared to my boys but I'm doing better than most girls! I noticed when I first got here that I was lifting heavy stuff all the time. Moving furniture and boxes when we were cleaning and stuff like that. Now my biceps are showing and look pretty good!!! I'm still doing cardio but I haven't had that bizarre spurt of energy since the 1.5 mile jog. I still get tired too fast. I keep drinking water and hydrating myself as much as possible but it only gives me energy for a few minutes. But I'm working on it. Once my body starts getting used to the cardio then I'll be able to go longer distances without any problems. It's so exciting when I'm exercising. The guys I hang out with are really cool and help me out a lot. Of course we all sit there and make fun of each other the whole time but it's all in fun. I have been a little stressed lately because of my coworker's attitude towards me but I'm hangin' in there. I like to take it out on the benchpress and while I'm running. Once the "hubby" gets back in a few days I'll most likely be going less frequently but I'm going to try and drag his ass over there. He needs to stop being lazy!!! I would like to get a body fat percentage too so I can include that in my goals....it's a scary number though probably. Lol. :)

My BOYS, Jorge and Carlos at Country Night.

Following in Auntie's Footsteps

2007-11-24T13:45:00.000+03:00

So I went to work out last night with some friends of mine. I haven't lifted weights in 2 years so I started out lifting the bar....what a joke! There might not be much weight in those things but I sure am sore! You gotta start somewhere right? We did our arms and chest and then it was time for cardio. Usually I do the elliptical machine because I can't jog. I get dizzy, the bridge of my nose goes numb, and my left shoulder gets a dull pain. I know, I know....those are extremely strange symptoms of running. I still have no idea why I get that way. Anyway, my workout buddy, Jorge, said we were doing cardio on the treadmill. I didn't want to puss out so I reluctantly got on the damned machine and started fixing my iPod so I would have good music to listen to. I didn't notice but as I was "iPodding it up" Jorge punched in all my info and started the machine. I freaked and started to jog at a steady pace while giving him the evil eye. I noticed my legs getting weak....they wanted to give up so bad. My throat was dry and I was begging it to stop burning. Before I knew it 1 mile went by and I got excited! I had never run that long before in my life! I was surprised I hadn't passed out. Sweat was pouring off of my face onto my sweatshirt. My iPod was playing Delerium, which I think is my new workout music. After that first mile I kept going as long as I could. I got to 1.6 miles and started walking at a fast pace....he said we were only doing two miles so I started to jog again until I hit two miles. Needless to say my calves and quads were cramping after that but I stretched them all out and walked it off. I'm so surprised in myself! It made me feel so good to jog that long! Now if only I can get into the routine of doing it on a regular basis, then maybe when I go home in February I'll be begging my friends to take a jog with me every morning. We'll see what happens though. Working out really does make you feel good. Maybe one of these days I really will be able to do a race alongside Auntie Deanna. It's a long shot though lol. :)

My Father

2007-11-13T13:16:00.000+03:00

He wasn't around when I came into this world,

He was in Japan.

He wasn't around when I was a wee tike,

He was a long haul truck driver.

He wasn't around when I was a teenager,

He moved away to various states.

He wasn't around until he realized he'd almost lost me.

What matters is that he's around now.

He's there to make jokes.

He's there to listen.

He's there to advise me.

He's there to mentor me.

He's there now.

No matter how many mistakes I have made he still stands by my side.

He's still proud to call me his daughter.

No matter how many mistakes he has made,

I am still proud he is my father.

Anxiety.....almost!

2007-11-08T10:19:00.000+03:00

What am I going to do in my future? When should I start planning for it? I'm here now making money and when I eventually start getting a steady amount saved I don't know what I want to do. Surely I can't live off of it unless I work here for quite a few years. I would love to buy a house and settle down somewhere. I don't even care if I live alone, I just can't stand apartments anymore.

I would love to marry someone to grow old with and have lots of babies and be the favorite Aunt. I don't know if that will happen though. I'm quite happy right now with no attachments (commitment-wise...Joey doesn't count). I adore Joey to death but I have no clue what's going to happen when one of us decides to leave or if one of us moves to a different camp for a job. I'd like to keep our relationship but only if it is strong enough to last. Right now we're still getting to know each other and make something of this commitment with KBR.

Why can't I be as relaxed as Bageera here?

I know I'm too young to be stressing about all of this but it IS happening. My head is always analyzing things and trying to find the answer for everything. That's just how it works. I have learned this over the years. That's why my relationships never last ha ha.

I honestly would love to keep this thing with Joey and see where it takes us. He's awesome and we have so much fun together. But I also would love a promotion which means I may have to move camps. I don't want to miss out on either of those good things. The time isn't here yet but when it comes it will be a very important decision.

Anyway, that's my schpeil for now. It ain't much and it's not a "heart warming story" but it's all I have today. I'm busy thinking of an inspection happening today. Yikes!!!

Lost in a Flurry of Hate

2007-11-02T08:53:00.000+03:00

It was a bitter morning when I woke up. I walked outside bundled in my blanket and furry slippers and didn't hear any birds chirping. I walked back in to make coffee. It tasted sour. I looked at my face in the mirror and immediately regretted waking up. I had not consumed any alcohol the previous night nor did I stay up late. I did not fuss when I slept or wake up a thousand times. There was no obvious reason for my present state. My body felt fine....physically. But that's all that mattered right? No one cared about what was going on in your head. No one wanted to know anything more than what was obvious to the eye. It mattered. I was alone. I had no one.

I laid back down on the bed and snuggled into the blankets taking in a deep breath. If only there was someone to hold me. If only I had someone to protect me. I just wanted to wake up one morning and have a smile on my face for once. Was that such a hard thing to aim for? I started to fall back into a deep sleep, despite the silent tears rolling down my face. It hurt me. My heart ached yet no one knew. No one would ever know.

At 3:30 in the afternoon I finally woke up. I didn't want to have another episode like the morning had brought so I chose to hop in the shower without even looking at myself. There was nothing to look at anyway. The hot water poured over my body making sure it touched every part of me before finally hitting the shower bottom. If only someone would do the same, the only person that I would want knowing every part of me. If only that person existed.

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I shook my hair into a mass of tangles and glanced up. There I was. Staring at myself in the mirror again. I wanted to scream at it. At me. I just grabbed my brush and walked out leaving behind my hate in the bathroom. I brushed my hair and shook my head again. There was no point in doing my hair. No one looked at me anyway. I didn't even own make up anymore. I just put lotion on my dry skin and gathered my hair into a messy looking bun atop my head. I looked through my closet finding soemthing to wear. Why did I care though? No one would care if I was wearing pink overalls for God's sake! I grabbed a pair of old jeans and a plain hoodie. I could always find comfort in my hoodie.

By the time I walked outside it was raining. Surprise, surprise. It was Oregon. What else was new? A torrential downpour. Depressing everything it could. Rain was a nightmare. If I thought I was in a bad mood before, nothing could have topped how I felt now. I ran to my truck and hopped in. I started it up and waited for the heat to get going. Waiting. I've been waiting all my life. Waiting for something miraculous to happen to me? Waiting for someone to hold me? I've always been waiting and that's how it always will be until the day that I die.

I started the hour long drive toward the only person I knew who actually cared. I checked my phone. No missed calls. No text messages. Yet another not so surprising occasion. I flipped it open to call her. No one answered. Maybe she was at the store. It was Sunday. The most depressing day of the week. Also the day for grocery shopping. I decided to head over anyway. I could at least sit and watch TV until she got home. So I hopped on I-84 weaving in and out of traffic. I was in no hurry to get there but I hate driving behind anyone. By this time there was so much water on the road, I felt my truck hydroplaning every chance it got. My heart jumped in my throat a few times but nothing serious.

Two hours later I arrived at my destination. A brown house with a 2 car garage and double front doors. The house looked small but looks can be decieving. I walked in the side door as I always do. The dogs started wagging their tails ferociously. They jumped on me and practically begged to be let out to take a leak. I opened the garage door leading into the house and they boared through my legs almost knocking me down. It was cold in the house. No one has been home for awhile. I let the dogs out and turned the heat on. I grabbed some kindling and newspaper and started building a fire in the small iron stove fireplace she had. After a few minutes there was a flame and a successful fire warming the living room up. I picked up my cell and decided to call her again. Still no answer. I flopped down on the couch and turned the TV on. Nothing to watch. Figures, it was a Sunday. Within a half hour I was asleep again.

"Wakey, wakey!!! I didn't know you were going to be here," she said excitedly. I opened my eyes and sat up from the couch. "Finally, where were you? I tried to call you," I said. "My phone was turned off. The battery was dying. I went to Costco. I got you another pair of sweatpants. Here, go see if they fit. Oh and could you let the dogs in? They looked soaked. How come you're here? Are you going to give your mother a hug?" I was bombarded as usual. She always did that. It was one thing after another. I found it quite annoying but it was also a relief to have some human contact. "I was bored and depressed. I had to get out of that apartment. I don't feel like trying them on now. I hate trying clothes on. You know that," I replied while toweling the dogs off. They ran into the kitchen and started getting excited about dinner. They knew what time it was.

It had only been five minutes and I already felt annoyed being here. I wanted to leave but that would hurt her feelings. I walked over to her and gave her a hug. She was so much shorter than me. Sometimes I wondered how she was my mom. I looked nothing like her. I had the same laugh though. I also had the same habits; cleaning, nagging, making sure everything was perfect. Everything except for me that is. I never cared if I looked perfect or not. Why would I? There was no one to look perfect for.

"What's for dinner Mom?" "Chicken and rice and some broccoli with cheese sauce. Are you staying for dinner?" she asked me. She always asked me because I always managed to slip out to hang out with my best friend instead of hanging out with my family. I could only take them in small doses. "No I think I'm going to see what Meggiepoo is up to. I'll come back afterward though if it's not too late," I answered. She looked at me with sadness in her eyes. I knew exactly what she was thinking. I never stay and visit anymore. "Well it was so nice of my daughter to come visit me," she said sarcastically. I kissed her on the cheek and said I was sorry. I grabbed my keys and phone and walked out the door. It was still raining but it was no longer a downpour. My spirits were still kind of low but I was determined to be in a good mood when I saw Megan. Best friend for 12 years. Despite our long friendship we still surprised each other constantly.

I drove the 15 minutes to her house and noticed a bunch of cars out front. Great. Just what I needed. A gathering of potheads. I loved Megan. I loved her happiness. More like envied her happiness. Her and her boyfriend Garrett have been together for almost 3 years. It's amazing for someone our age. I parked my truck and walked up to the garage. When I opened the door a flood of smoke came pouring into my nostrils. "Smells like skunk," I thought to myself. There he was, Garrett and his friends sitting in a circle in the garage with their screaming metal music. I nodded and he pointed to the door to the house.

Megan was inside cooking away for all of her guests. She always wanted to be the perfect hostess. I smiled and poked her in the butt. She turned around with a surprised look on her face. She didn't expect me. She gave me a hug then just started spilling out what she was planning on doing with her life like she was finishing a conversation we had started. There was always a new plan. She reminded me of my dad.

Everytime I saw him he had a new plan for his future. No one ever knew exactly what he was going to do. It always changed.

I sat there listening and nodding but my head was elsewhere. I was so wrapped up in being alone that I couldn't even listen to my best friend tell me about her life. The least I could do was listen. I snapped out of it as she finished and handed me a cup of tea. She loved the relaxing herbal teas she made. I always felt at home with her. "I never want to lose her as my best friend," I thought. Finally she asked me what was wrong. "I'm depressed...again," I replied. "Why? What happened?" she asked patiently. "I keep thinking about being alone and it pisses me off. I'm scared I'll never have anyone to love. I woke up this morning and wanted to die. I hate feeling like this and I hate the rain!" I didn't expect that sudden burst. By the look on her face niether did she. She just leaned over and hugged me. I felt myself melting and pretty soon my face was soaked with snot and tears. She got up, ran to the bathroom and returned with toilet paper which she threw in my face. I couldn't help but smile. She was there. She cared. Maybe there was hope for me. I started laughing at myself, "I feel like such an idiot. Don't make fun of me okay?" She laughed at me and called me a baby but I didn't care. She knew I was going to be ok.

I realized I wasn't as alone as I thought. I had my mom even though I never saw her. I had Megan who knew how to cheer me up. So we sat there munching on Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and drinking herbal tea. We were watching a show about our ancestors: The Caveman. It was quite intriguing. Even the TV show had shown a depressed Neanderthal without a mate. I laughed and pictured myself there. It was a ridiculous thought. I knew that even if I didn't find that someone I still had someone no matter what.

I woke up the next morning and walked outside. It was sunny and the birds were singing to me. I started to drive to my old home and remembered it was Monday. Mom was at work. I decided to pay her a visit and have lunch with her. I picked up speed and headed for the highway. When I got there I wanted to surprise her so I walked up the two flights of stairs to her office. I walked by the receptionist and into my mom's office room. There she was on her computer. Beautiful and glowing like a mother should be. I snuck up behind her and put my hands over her eyes. She jumped and let out a yelp. She turned around and I swear I noticed a slight tear when she saw me. She was't expecting me. "I love you Mommy." She embraced me in a long, warm hug for a long time. I felt safe. I didn't feel so sad anymore. She smiled at me and for the first time in a long couple of months I smiled back at her. I was home again.

This story, if you want to call it that, is mostly a true depiction of how I have felt in my life. I am such a different person now than I was then. It's been a long time since I felt so low and I hope it stays that way. My mom is my rock and my friends and family are my stones that surround my rock. Without them I would have never survived.

A Laugh For Halloween

2007-10-31T10:31:00.000+03:00

So here I am sitting in my office. I just finished a cup of coffee because I fell asleep an hour ago and decided it would be a bad idea if my supervisor walked in while I was sleeping. I am more awake now thanks to Folgers.

Today is Halloween. If I was at home I would probably be getting the house ready for trick-or-treaters. I would be digging through that old box of costumes and start laughing my ass off at all the ridiculous things I used to wear for this pointless day of celebration. My most memorable Halloween costume is also my most hideous. And this is the story behind that:

"A friend of mine and I decided we wanted to make our costumes one year. We wanted the theme to match so we chose Winnie the Pooh. She decided to be Piglet and I wanted to be Kanga. I thought it would be fun to have a pouch full of candy.

So we set off one day collecting fabrics and needles and thread and started mapping our costumes out. I wanted to have a real tail sticking out my behind so I had to get some stuffing to make it more "real life". Her costume was starting to look really good after a few hours. Mine was still pieces scattered about. I couldn't find any brown fabric that could withstand the weight of my tail so I had to use thin pieces of brown carpet...yes carpet. Talk about uncomfortable.

I sadly sewed the arms on; they were uneven. I sewed the back up so I could easily slip the costume over my body; the thread ripped everytime I moved. No matter what though, I was determined to have a Kanga costume!!

Finally it was tail time. I sewed it onto the backside of my carpet dress and it slumped down. My mom had the idea of putting a coat hanger in it so it would stay up better. That helped but ultimately the tail slumped down and dragged on the floor. I had also sewed an extra piece of carpet onto the front of the costume for my pouch. It was a sloppy job but I had to have it or no one would know what I was.

I put a baby stuffed kangaroo, Roo, in the pouch as the final touch. It was a masterpiece of sorts! I suddenly realized I didn't have ears for my costume so I found a headband and put some felt ears atop it. Everyone said I looked like a cat the next day. All that hard work and even the kangaroo in my pouch didn't give it away!! I was so disappointed. I decided not to make my own costume ever again."

So digging into that old box of costumes would take me down memory lane every year following that horrific ordeal. Mom would practically force me to put it on for laughs. It was my version of the bunny costume from A Christmas Story. Yes it was funny and I must admit that I almost pissed myself a few times. Unfortunately I have no pictures of this costume so you can't laugh with me but I'm sure you can imagine it.

Today is Halloween. I won't be dressing up nor will I be handing candy out to kids. Fortunately there are no kids here on this base. Supposedly there is a "Haunted House" at one of the cafeterias tonight. I volunteered to dress up for it but no one has gotten back to me so I doubt I'll be anything for Halloween this year. To me it is just another day of work and sleep. Maybe Thanksgiving will be different...just maybe.

My First Blog

2007-10-30T09:17:00.000+03:00

Hello all. This is new to me but I'll do my best. I'm currently sitting at work right now listening to Dierks Bentley and chewing a pack of gum. So far my day has consisted of eating a hearty breakfast and sitting right here in this very spot. I went to Yoga last night and I'm pretty sore now. Yoga is a killer and anyone who tells you otherwise is oh so very wrong! I do Yoga with my hunny Joey. He has been here for 16 months and doesn't plan on leaving anytime soon. I plan on staying here for 5 years. We'll see how it goes though. I am so thankful to have Joey here. I would have done fine without having met him but I think time will go by much faster this way. Anyway, so far this job in this desolate area hasn't been too depressing. I try and keep my spirits up by going dancing on Saturdays and doing Yoga and of course hanging out with Joey. I'll keep everyone posted on enything exciting that happens over here in the desert. :)